NECRONOMICON Sinister tome of Sumerian Black Magic gritty grimoire of the mad Abdul Alhazred thamaturgical scimitar of Professor Henry Armitage perdition of Arkham Dunwich Innsmouth damnation of the family Whately courtesy of Howard Phillips Lovecraft who mentioned it infrequently in his tender tales of brain-sucking aliens interrupting their millennial slumber to infest human civilization stink up small New England towns breed with innocent human females and much later invent Disco Lovecraft who never believed who knew fiction when he saw it or wrote it never penned an actual Necronomicon dying too young or disinterested on a daily diet of ice cream and coffee Yet do listen fellow pilgrims to these screams from the dungeons of doggerel for in the first year of Jimmy Carter's reign as President when an America wasted by Watergate Revolution and Vietnam preferred to make love not war trade recipes for hash brownies and slip their hearts away to Rock-n-Roll it became known within the candle lit apartments and clandestine temples among the low whispers and strong drink of New York's Occult community that a certain maverick Orthodox bishop had somehow obtained a certain manuscript (as tattered as the reputations of every twisted soul who had fallen between its vile pages) from a nameless wandering monk in a silent exchange of Chthonic blasphemies in a shadowed corridor on a rainy evening in the Bronx Several destitute students of the arcane around the coffee table behind the propped-open secret doorway in back of a certain renowned occult shop cursed their a truly metaphysical cash flow problem Lo and behold the priest and his Qabbalist associates all for once in solemn agreement with the hermetic Will discovered that the script was Sumerian the theme was Demonology and the writing was on the wall "I'm telling you guys we need to make some money" Duty called * * * Stories soon swept the City a translator murdered by a disembodied entity packing a .38 special a publisher vanished from the face of the Earth without leaving any forwarding address rumors of Grand Magi driven to babbling insane sales pitches furtive gatherings of nubile young Thelemites shivering through the dying autumn winds in naked anticipation of the last wicked thrill of 1977 You should have seen the publication party When the thirty dollar hardbound edition came out I nodded to myself even evil spirits have to eat When the fifty dollar leather bound signed and numbered limited edition came out I reminded myself even unemployed sorcerers can recognize a good thing After all at the time fifty dollars bought a hundred glasses of beer three hundred joints five pounds of damiana a stack of pizzas a bitchin' silver pentacle enough candles for hundreds of love spells a night at any of the finer orgy houses the Library of Classic Books the discography of Elvis Presley tickets to the best Broadway revivals three months of Rocky Horror I took a pass preferring good beer to bad books Life moved along * * * Three years later the Carter Presidency crashes and burns along with the helicopters of Delta Force in the Ayatollah's desert sands America searches the gutted battlefield of national conscience for a leader to vanquish the triple horsemen of recession and inflation and stoned malaise while a three hundred year old actor awakens from a celebrity graveyard in the California hills to begin his long night's march to Washington and I am on my way to Miss Livia's Sunday Night Poetry Reading and Pastry Potluck and run across the two dollar mass market paperback edition in a little bookstore on Sheridan Square Oh no not here not Greenwich Village where modern alchemists mix up entirely new blood types in the veins of young junkies risen from their sidewalk sepulchers to mumble incantations by The Doors where drunken teenage virgin football players blown in from the suburbs try to pick fights with weightlifters sporting leather g-strings where pop Satanists spending Aunt Mamie's little trust fund sport 14 karat Baphomets beneath greasy smiles while trolling the after-hours clubs for living altars preferably blonde where Jesus Freaks (those tie-dyed hippie Christians who wrote that folk song where people drink Cokes up on a hillside) have lately cut their hair and put on polyester suits that they may better teach us to love the Bomb where Witches breathe the dust of ages in quaint antique shops searching for that one key to unlock the sweet and terrible power of the Other Side which they promised their students last week over that third Guinness Extra Stout The last thing the Village needs is black magic courtesy of Avon Books I pick up a copy What the hell you're twenty-one you're invincible and The Necronomicon does seem to qualify as modern verse the words don't run to the edge of the page no one is quite sure just what they mean and Livia may find it charming Sweet Livia grandmother to all poets genteel hostess retired thespian withered legs prancing beneath wrinkled miniskirts published damn near everywhere "Come my famous bard and sip sweet tea I'll drink of you if you'll drink of me and young poet unknown the tea's just as sweet take off your coat if you can take the heat" Get your fix from the clap of sweaty hands echoing through two tiny rooms bodies spilling onto the floor into the hall find immortality in seven minutes enjoy it while you're still alive there's no money in poetry anyway * * * "I don't know" mutters Sonny a broken-nosed county parole officer who translates the ancient Greeks into Daschell Hammett I shrug "But it's just third-rate post-romantic free verse" A couple of the less spiritually minded snicker into their notebooks indeed many of the poets whom I have met in Gotham wear their atheism like American Legion caps But Sonny shakes his head "Look here Johnny I'm not saying I buy this stuff but it just gives me the willies" Livia sips her tea "Isn't that what poetry is supposed to do?" "Don't worry Sonny you know me and I know the authors and this crap is so silly they didn't even bother to include banishing rituals" "Well its your turn so do what you want" My voice lowering to match the gruel of horror's primal stewpot I proceed to recite the evocation of a certain Sumerian dog-demon who according to rumor after the "translators" had cast an experimental circle possessed a participant's pet Doberman to take a tasty chunk from his master's arm thus proving conclusively that demons do snack Every eye upon my lips every pair of lungs slow to the rhythms of disbelief that any rite could be this evil that any poem could be this bad then from the rear of the apartment comes a thin cry "I smell something burning!" Pandemonium Sonny dives towards the stove sniffing for gas leaks in an all electric kitchen while Jersey Jane grabs the phone and calls the Jersey City Fire Department while the rest of the pack scatters or cowers or shouts orders while Giancarlo who is as fine an opportunist as I have ever met chases after us scribbling notes while Livia sips her tea I race four floors down the winding staircase out the lion-faced doors into the narrow street and pivot around to face the Flames of Hell surging from the windows the retributions of one bad-assed demon Cthulu I suppose Not that I see anything After I climb halfway up Sonny calls down sheepishly "Someone was burning a batch of cookies on the third floor" We settle down to business notebooks flip open Giancarlo files papers Sonny erases a lot Jane eats a cookie and sweet Livia teacup in hand smiles at me "Well dear would you care to continue?" I take a pass But after that no poet at Livia's ever expressed the slightest fright over anything that I read not that I ever returned with the musings of mad Abdul or old Howard or whomever contented merely to amuse the literate mob with my own minor invocations to Things Better Left Unsaid
Go to the next poem or the previous poem
Return to Table of Contents
This poem is from On Pagan Roads Copyright © 2004 David Arv Bragi